8th July. Pie Crime

Fresh news from the far north today concerning a crime of heinous proportions. Story courtesy of the Shetland Times, which is a lie as I just cut and pasted it.

The company that owns Lerwick shop Alex Morrisons was fined a total of £2,000 on Wednesday for selling out of date food.

Timberlake Enterprises faced 12 food hygiene charges at Lerwick Sheriff Court from September and December last year at the store at Browns Buildings in Freefield.

The worst case was recorded on 26th September (a time when hoards of pie hunting birdwatchers swell the islands population by at least 6)* when a macaroni pie, which was unfit for human consumption because of mould, was discovered in a display cabinet.

All other charges related to a quantity of pies, sausage rolls, fruit trifles and packets of cheese, which were all found to be a day past their sell-by date when food hygiene inspectors visited the premises on 2nd December.

The court heard the case was brought after previous advice by the environmental health department had “been ignored”, and that a simple stock rotation of perishable goods had not been carried out.

Procurator fiscal Duncan MacKenzie said environmental health inspectors follow up a policy of enforcement which is “hierarchal”, and that a report to the fiscal’s office was a “last resort”.

“This company refused to engage with advice, verbal warnings and written warnings which include hygiene improvement notices,” he said.He added it was worth noting there had been 2,000 cases of food poisoning in 2006 alone in Scotland though it is thought that at least 50% of these occured in the Virkie area of South Mainland**.

Defence solicitor Linda Knarston said the mouldy macaroni pie had become lodged at the back of its cabinet and been overlooked.

She said the other items were going to be removed by the shop manager prior to an inspection visit by environmental health officials, however he had become pre-occupied with a delivery of sheep based pornography*** and other business and had not managed to take the items away in time.

Sheriff Philip Mann said he had been “pleased to see” the shop had since taken on board advice concerning food safety.
He fined the business £500 for the macaroni pie offence and £1,500 for the remaining charges.

This Macaroni Pie (yesterday) was unavailable for comment.

* This is a complete lie
** And this is
*** And of course this is, nobody buys sheep based porn - they just make their own!