Do I do reviews on Damart fur lined wellies? No. Do I promote long weekends in Norfolk offering five star accommodation in a Michelin star rated hotel? No. Do I produce articles on how to tell a House Sparrow from a Tree Sparrow? No. So I wouldn't expect a magazine called 'Birdwatching' to run a comparison article about Pork Pies. Three years I've been peddling this rubbish with reviews on the various savouries that I have encountered on my travels from the Northern Isles to Lands End and occasionally beyond and now some national birding mag barges in and nicks my idea.
Well let's have a look at the pie that came second in their review:
Pork Farms Original. I have to point out that I have to be very desperate to eat anything that is mass produced and just that occasion occurred on Tuesday of this week. A post work visit found me in the danger zone of Sainsbury's deli aisle. Needing something to fill a gap I opted for a Pork Farms original. I don't know why I did this - though there was very little to choose from and it was cheap. I bit into it and was instantly struck not by the taste or by the pastry but by the fact it seemed to coat my mouth in fat and actually made me gag. The pastry was incredibly greasy and the filling a mush of lips and arseholes! This without doubt was the nastiest pie that I have eaten and the first one I have ever discarded. I would compare it to taking a bite out of a block of lard, though to be honest a block of lard would have tasted better. Birdwatching gave it a six with five other pies scoring less. Presumably the reviewers consisted of a Pork Farms employee, a rabid dog and someone who'd had their tongue removed! Personally, if it was a choice between eating one of these and gnawing off my own arm the arm would win hands down or perhaps that should be hand down!
Now that's a full and frank review!