24th February. Save Our Pies

The humble pie is in danger of extinction after a vicious attack by the Food Standards Agency. Apparently eating pastry can lead to death.

As a precaution they are promoting an healthier option i.e. Eat only pies with a crust or a base. Now correct me if I'm wrong but the only legitimate pie without a base is a Meat and Potato. By removing the base the pie becomes impossible to eat whilst carrying out usual simple tasks such as driving, observing football, birding or watching porn,necessitating the use of two hands rather than one (one to hold the pie the other a fork). Crust less pies are just wrong and clearly fall under the flan/tart family of savouries.

It would appear that this is a ploy by the Government to rid the country of pies in order to protect the endangered pasty (no where in the advert does it mention not eating pasties).

Already Government inspectors are planning a cull in the southwest in order to protect the Cornish Pasty and prevent hybrids forming. The Pasty appears to be mostly safe in its traditional habitats and as yet pies have not shown any interest in moving from their traditional habitat in the North of England and Scotland, however plans to reduce their numbers in these areas are afoot and it is only a matter of time before culling is common place. You have been warned.


Andy Mackay said...

Fucking food police! Fuck em I say. At a time when the planet is massively overpopulated, the last thing governments should be doing is trying to make people live longer. Eat, smoke, drink and be merry, and then fuck off ought to be the message.

Anonymous said...

I agree with your sentiments entirely Andy. Who the fuck wants to live to be over a hundred and unable to get around. Unless you're some kind of Benjamin Button character getting old and living longer doesn't seem a whole lot of fun.
Kids, abuse you're bodies while they're young, it's what they are for. Take risks, take drugs, ignore anyone in a position or responsibility like the government or bankers. They would like you believe that there way is best well it isn't so fuck them. Look at what a fuck-up they've all made of your world, yes yours! Live life. Enjoy yourselves... tell your dull boring parents that their generation have fucked up by electing the most repressive government for years. They all want us to conform. Don't it's not Orwell's 1984 but the parallels are there. Rebel, Drink, Eating fucking Pies!!!!